Shatter
by EvanescentBlue
Summary: Parody: He was my beautiful Adonis, an exquisite angel who had graced me with his presence. But then they came, and my darling, beloved Edward...no, I cannot say it. My heart has deserted me and my chest pains with every breath. Read, and you will know my sorrow...


**AlienWonton:** This is my first attempt at a parody and I figured I'll set it in the Twilight fandom. The Supernatural elements were thrown in as an afterthought. No, I'm not a Twilight fan in any shape or form (I actually hate Twilight...a lot), but I'll try to make it as accurate as possible. Not too sure if I succeeded in being accurate with the Winchesters' personalities or making this a good parody, but meh. Now I'm off to work on my other fics before those readers think I'm dead.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight or Supernatural.

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The book lay in the center of the table, a thick black tome decorated with splashes of ghostly, ethereal white and lush, ruby red. I reached out a trembling hand and gently traced my fingers over the glossy, waxen cover. With a great reverence I carefully pried open the cover and gasped at the page beneath it. It was a beige piece of stationary with elegantly printed words informing me of the title and author of the book, but somehow it was beautiful in its' simplicity and I knew immediately that it would become a favorite, a story I would love and cherish for all eternity.

"It's marvelous," I whispered, tearing my eyes away to gaze at the angel standing beside me. "You shouldn't have."

"I couldn't resist," Edward murmured, wrapping his arms lovingly around me. I lean into his icy, statuesque embrace and sigh happily. I would close my eyes but that would mean losing sight of him, and that was out of the question. My eyes eagerly traced the lines of his chiseled face. I drank in the sight of his enticing butterscotch eyes, which threatened to pull me into their depths and never let go. But then his lips quirked upwards into that pulchritudinous crooked smile and all the air whoosed out of my lungs. I could almost swear that my heart had stopped beating. For a long, glorious moment there was nothing that mattered but Edward, resplendent in the late afternoon sun filtering in through the window, and not for the first time I wondered what someone as gorgeous and rich as this sublime immortal could possibly see in someone as plain and ordinary and mundane as me.

I reached out and placed my hands on that perfectly sculpted face, marveling not for the first time at his utter perfection. Edward's liquid topaz eyes danced at me in amusement and my heart promptly stuttered in my chest. He cupped my face in an imitation of my own action and leaned forward. Our lips met.

There was the sound of shattering glass. Before I could react Edward pulled me behind him and dropped into a crouch with his customary cat-like grace. Peeking out from behind him I could see two tall men enter the room. One of them was extremely tall, with hair that was longer than the norm, and he held a crossbow in his hands. The other was shorter, dressed in a leather jacket and had an annoyed expression on his face. They were both handsome, in a rugged human sort of way, but what was more important was their weapons and the fact that they had just intruded on what was supposed to be our private celebration.

"How the fuck did you miss?" the shorter man demanded. "It's standing _right there_!"

"Hey, do you _see_ it?" The tall man waved a hand at Edward, who readjusted his stance and growled warningly. "The thing's blinding! How am I supposed to get an accurate shot when it's fucking _sparkling_ in my face like that?"

Edward took a menacing step forward and I'm reminded of a panther, or maybe one of those mountain lions he liked to hunt so much. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" he demanded, his velvet voice low and melodious like the best instrument in the world. "Leave or you will pay the consequences."

"Yeah, yeah. Same old, same old." The shorter man rolled his eyes and hefted his weapon - a machete. I gasped and looked worriedly at Edward. The two men were only human, but that machete looked sharp and lethal and I couldn't quite get over the image of my beloved Edward on the receiving end of the attack.

Suddenly Edward stumbled and grunted with pain. _With pain_! I stared in disbelief at the crossbow bolts sticking out of his chest and leg. The one in his chest vibrated slightly and I whimpered, hurrying forward and placing myself between my beloved and the two dangerous men. My hands moved of their own accord, grasping at the bolt and attempting to pull it out, but it was stuck fast and my meager strength did nothing.

"That's dangerous, get away!" A hand landed on my shoulder and tried to steer me away; I screamed and slapped at it and Edward roared, lashing out at the offender. His hand struck at air; somehow the man - a mere human - had managed to avoid his blow, which had been launched at a speed beyond any human comprehension. This was enough to make me peek at the men behind me - only there were three now. A handsome man with piercing blue eyes stood slightly behind the other two. He looked at me with a blank, emotionless stare and I squirmed uncomfortably. I wanted to duck behind Edward, but a quick glance at him showed he was still in pain.

"Thanks, Cas." One of the men was saying something but I didn't care. I looked around, wondering what I was supposed to do now.

"Bella, run," Edward whispered. I listened, horrified, to his pained tones.

"No! I won't leave you! Not with them!" I looked at the men, who were still talking amongst themselves.

"Last one, got the others already-"

"-that girl?"

"Yeah, complete nutcase-"

"-sparkly-ass boyfriend-"

"Is there something wrong with sparkling?"

"Is there-seriously?"

"Bella, please!" Edward insisted. "You mustn't risk your life like this!"

"But I can't leave you! I _won't_ leave you!"

"Oh, boo hoo! Can we get this chick flick over with? I feel like I'm gonna start barfing sparkly pink cupids any second."

"Cupids are not-"

"Cas, you said there's an emergency, right? Shouldn't we, you know, get going?"

The man in the trench coat blinked slowly at the interruption but otherwise his expression remained the same. He looked at me, then looked at Edward, and I automatically shifted so that I was covering Edward as much as possible. This was to no avail as Edward gently pushed me aside and glared at him defiantly.

One of the men coughed.

The blue-eyed man blinked again.

Edward exploded in a blinding shower and I stood there, rooted to the floor in shock, as glittering, luminescent flakes drifted around me gently like puffs of snow.


End file.
